I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You took a bar mat shot.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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