In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
