Got a toothbrush?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
