I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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