Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
