this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
