mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
