I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
