You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
