Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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