my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
