i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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