It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
