I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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