I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
