He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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