The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You are a genius and a whore.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
