So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
