Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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