And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
