Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
