Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
