I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
