Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
