Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
