I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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