Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
