Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
