Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
