hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
