I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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