Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
