reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
