Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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