What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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