Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
50% drunk capacity currently
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
