it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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