Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
