They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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