I want to make a zoo with you.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
