yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You can't special order awesome
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
