Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
