take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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