I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
