I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This baby is an asshole
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
