I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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