WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
