i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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