Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
