i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
