do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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