And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
