Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
